Triangle of Truth
Join the ranks of influential figures like Buddha, Albert Einstein, Elvis Presley, and Barack Obama who have harnessed “the Triangle of Truth”. Buddha saw it as the “path to enlightenment”, Einstein used it to bridge science and religion, Elvis crafted a groundbreaking sound with it, and Obama ascended to the presidency. This ancient method teaches how to blend conflicting viewpoints into a new, improved perspective “greater than the sum of its parts.”
By adopting the Triangle technique, you can move beyond the "my truth" versus "your truth" deadlock to find holistic solutions that honor both sides. While reaching this higher-level resolution isn't simple, it's worth the effort. Perfecting the Triangle can revolutionize your worldview and your relationships. By understanding its seven principles, you'll gain valuable conflict management skills, leading to greater happiness and success.
Principle 1: “Embrace ‘And’”
Most people tend to see things in black and white, labeling everything as good or bad, right or wrong. But the Triangle approach urges you to consider “the possibility of And,” acknowledging the duality inherent in people and situations.
When you label someone's behavior as "bad," it creates a negative perception that affects all your future interactions with them. This mindset hinders any chance of getting along. Even though you understand your own complexity, it's hard to grasp how your boss can be both demanding at work and caring at home. The Triangle of Truth helps combat this negativity by promoting positive communication and moving away from conflict.
Free from Either/Or Thinking
Moving past either/or labeling is key to seeing the whole picture and finding solutions. Being stuck in this mindset stops you from finding a way out of problems. To break free from black-and-white thinking, start by realizing that the world is full of differences. Instead of trying to erase them, focus on using them to your advantage. Charles Darwin refined his groundbreaking work, The Origin of Species, based on challenges from his devoutly religious wife. Similarly, an industrial company improved safety while boosting productivity by adopting different viewpoints to create innovative solutions, surprising both employees and competitors.
While it makes sense intellectually to ditch either/or thinking, emotionally, it's tougher. Holding two opposing thoughts can be uncomfortable because the human mind naturally sorts and categorizes. But by challenging this instinct, you can push beyond old limits and find new solutions to old problems.
Principle 2: “Make Peace with Ambiguity”
Sometimes, you might fully accept a new approach like the Triangle, while those around you hesitate. The Triangle still works, but many fear going it alone, worried they'll lose out or ignore their own perspective. This fear triggers a primal response, locking you into defending your viewpoint so fiercely that you shut out everything else. Fear often leads to rigid either/or thinking. To break free, embrace "and" thinking fueled by its opposite: love. When you muster the courage to move past your fears and approach others with love, it opens up space for creative problem-solving. Love won't solve all the world's problems, but it does enable you to empathize with different viewpoints without succumbing to fear.
Entering a meeting with a fixed solution in mind often triggers defensive reactions when others challenge it. However, entering with an attitude of love and acceptance toward everyone involved makes you more open to listening and considering alternative ideas.
The Strength of Love
Love isn't a weakness; it's a source of strength. Admiral James Stockdale showed this in the "Hanoi Hilton" during the Vietnam War. Despite enduring torture and suffering, he led with love, helping his fellow prisoners survive. His story mirrors the Triangle of Truth, as described in Jim Collins's book, Good to Great. Stockdale held onto hope for survival while accepting the harsh reality of their situation. He showed love by being honest with his men, even when it was hard. He managed to hold two conflicting ideas in his mind: the misery of their reality and the belief in a better future. Choosing to live with ambiguity, he embraced love over fear.
Starting from a place of love allows us to accept two fundamental truths: recognizing that everyone has flaws while also seeing their greatness. It's about facing facts while maintaining unwavering faith. In simpler terms, it's saying, "I may not have all the answers, but I'm open to seeing the good in people," and "I may not know how things will end, but I have faith that everything will be okay.”
Principle 3: “Hold Space for Other Perspectives”
Reaching the pinnacle of success, represented by the Triangle, requires accepting diverse perspectives and ideas by maintaining an open mind. While this sounds simple, it's often challenging due to the pressures to excel, which can lead to self-centered thinking. However, breaking free from either/or mentality allows for considering both personal goals and the concerns of others simultaneously, without sacrificing attention to detail.
Take, for example, a top-ranked pharmaceutical sales representative who approaches her job with a focus on helping people rather than solely meeting sales targets. By genuinely caring about the well-being of her customers, she communicates sincerity through her body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice, promoting meaningful connections regardless of whether a sale is made. This approach highlights the profound impact of attitude on interactions and underscores the importance of prioritizing genuine human connection in achieving success.
The Power of Persuasion
When you're trying to change someone's mind, you're essentially selling them something. While focusing on your own goals may yield average results, aiming higher requires focusing on the other person's goals instead. Exceptional individuals in any field believe strongly in their ability to make a difference, allowing them to put aside their own needs and concentrate on others. By having faith in a positive outcome without rigidly sticking to their own plans, they increase their chances of success.
Principle 4: “Seek Higher Ground”
When you choose one option over another, you're often making a "false choice," sacrificing your needs for a goal instead of finding a middle ground. Whether it's parents adjusting their careers to care for their children or governments balancing freedom with responsibility, adopting ambiguity can lead to new opportunities. Take Thomas Jefferson and John Adams, for instance. Jefferson, a liberal, merged personal liberty with Adams' focus on the rule of law to shape the Declaration of Independence's core principles.
Insisting that your ideas are the only right ones traps you in the "therefore" mindset, stifling creativity and alienating opposing views. Best Buy faced this dilemma when aiming to make electronics shopping more appealing to women. Some executives feared catering to women would drive away men, envisioning stores painted pink. Yet, “enhancing the shopping experience for women also benefited men”. Five years later, without resorting to drastic changes, Best Buy saw a $4.4 billion revenue increase and a boost in its female market share from 14.7% to 17.1%.
Pursuing Win-Win Solutions
Ending up in the middle ground isn't always the goal; settling for a lukewarm compromise or tough negotiation can sometimes trap both sides in limited thinking. Instead of settling, aim for greatness by seeking a path that benefits everyone involved. While this process isn't always straightforward or neat, it's incredibly valuable.
Principle 5: “Discern Intent”
Unraveling the true motivations of individuals or organizations is key to success. By uncovering the "real truth," we gain deeper insight and pave the way for progress. Take, for instance, the clash between medical workers and hospital executives: while the former prioritize patient care regardless of payment, the latter must consider financial sustainability. Yet, when each side empathizes with the other's concerns, a common goal emerges: providing quality care to the community.
Approaching situations without judgment allows us to merge seemingly conflicting ideas. When counterparts feel understood, they're more open to exploring alternative solutions.
Understand Intentions Behind Disliked Behavior
Understanding why someone acts in a way you don't like is tough. When a colleague keeps interrupting or taking over your important meeting, it's frustrating. But you can steer clear of arguments by asking questions that help them express their concerns. Sometimes, just pausing and thinking of something nice can help calm things down.
Principle 6: “Elevate Others”
To move beyond the limitations of either/or thinking in conflicts, encourage participants to delve into the "how and why" of their issues rather than just the "what and when." This approach promotes deeper insights among everyone involved, rather than keeping them fixed in their positions. Asking big questions prompts consideration of broader information about an issue, leading to more genuine responses. Avoiding loaded questions that already suggest a predetermined answer is crucial for eliciting unbiased insights.
In a corporate setting, implementing a Triangle tactic involves having one department take on the tasks or problems of another department. This serves two purposes: first, it brings fresh perspectives that can lead to innovative solutions, and second, it encourages both sides to consider issues from multiple viewpoints.
Principle 7: “Be the Peace”
Galileo Galilei dared to prove that the Earth revolves around the sun, but instead of gratitude, he faced condemnation and lifelong house arrest from church authorities in 1663. Despite offering to show them through his telescope, they refused to accept the truth. Refusing to acknowledge reality because it contradicts your beliefs can lead to grave errors, though not as significant as those made by medieval clergy.
Acknowledging that you don’t have all the answers is the first step towards inclusiveness, away from either/or thinking. Whether at work, home, or in the world, problems aren't about conflicts; they're about managing differences. The Triangle and its seven techniques can assist in this, but it's crucial to recognize that everyone has the right to exist and hold their beliefs. Learning this and adopting  love can lead to a new and improved truth.