The How of Happiness

Sonja Lyubomirsky

The How of Happiness
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About this Author

Sonja Lyubomirsky is a psychology professor at the University of California, Riverside, and has been awarded the Templeton Positive Psychology Prize for her contributions to the field.

First Edition: 2008

Category: Health & Wellness

13:22 Min

Conclusion

6 Key Points


Conclusion

True happiness is internal. Adopt a positive attitude, practice gratitude and kindness, set meaningful goals, and develop positive habits to take control of your happiness. While genetics and life circumstances play a role, the majority of your happiness is within your power to influence your thoughts, actions, and daily habits.

Abstract

Bobby McFerrin's 1988 hit song "Don't Worry, Be Happy" spread joy with its uplifting message, reminding us that troubles are a natural part of life and worrying only makes things worse. Psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky assures us that achieving happiness is possible, even for those deeply unhappy, through proven psychological strategies. She emphasizes that true happiness isn't just about external factors like wealth or appearance, but is significantly influenced by our attitude and mindset. While genetics play a role in our happiness, our actions and choices have a greater impact. Activities such as gratitude, kindness, goal-setting, and stress management can boost happiness. For those still struggling, seeking professional help, like therapy, can be beneficial.

Key Points

  • Happiness is largely influenced by your attitude toward life, not by external circumstances.
  • You can increase your happiness by adopting positive habits and mindsets.
  • Understanding and addressing the reasons for your unhappiness is key to improving your mood.
  • Regularly practicing gratitude, kindness, and staying social can significantly boost your happiness.
  • Set meaningful goals and develop habits that promote happiness in your daily life.
  • Remember, you have the power to control your happiness by choosing to be happy.

Summary

Find Happiness Within

Many people believe they are destined to be unhappy. But if you reorganize your thinking, you can be happy-even if you aren't wealthy, thin, beautiful, admired by your peers, or a lottery winner. True happiness isn't determined by external circumstances. What matters is your attitude toward life. A positive attitude is likely to bring happiness, while a negative one will probably bring unhappiness.

Genes play a significant role in happiness. Some people are born with naturally high levels of happiness. These markers are similar to diet set points: Some people can eat a lot without gaining weight, while others gain weight easily. Similarly, individuals with high happiness set points naturally experience greater satisfaction and contentment with their lives and the world around them.

Your genes determine part of your happiness. If you inherit a low-happiness "set point," you might feel more unhappy than happy. Research shows this set point only accounts for 50% of how happy you are. Another 10% depends on "life circumstances" - like being rich or poor, healthy or unhealthy, and loved or unloved. You control the remaining 40% directly.

Choose Happiness

You have the power to amp up your happiness by simply deciding to be happy. It's about adopting the habits and mindsets of happy folks and, if necessary, tweaking your thoughts and actions. It might not be a walk in the park, but trust me, it's worth the effort. By changing how you think and act, you can pave your way to a lifetime of happiness.

Some people remain extremely unhappy despite their best efforts to change their thoughts and actions. These individuals might be severely depressed and might benefit from professional help like therapy or medication. If you think you might be depressed, it's important to seek assistance. First, get a thorough physical check-up from your regular doctor to rule out any physical causes of depression. Your doctor might then refer you to a mental health expert for treatment.

Understand Your Unhappiness and Improve Your Mood

If you're not depressed but still unhappy, take a closer look at why you're feeling down. This will help you figure out which activities can lift your spirits and make you happier. Ask yourself what's causing your unhappiness. Are you worried about the future? Do you feel like you have no control over your life? Are you shy or naturally tend to think negatively? Is it hard for you to enjoy things? Your answers to these questions will guide you toward the exercises that will be most fulfilling for you.

Take stock of what you're good at. If you're naturally competitive, dive into a sport or activity where you can shine. It'll boost your happiness and self-esteem. Think about what your life was like before you started exploring new things. If it is stressful with hardly any free time, try something simple like appreciating what you have.

12 Keys to Happiness: Activities that Bring Joy

Achieving happiness isn't complicated. It involves regularly doing new and straightforward things, turning them into habits. These actions will make you happier - it's that easy. However, introducing new activities into your daily routine isn't simple. If you're ready to put in the effort, follow these 12 actions and become happier.

Some actions might seem silly or sentimental. Don't let those reactions stop you from being happy. You don't have to do all the steps; pick a few and give them a try. If they don't work, try something else. Choose activities that fit you and your lifestyle best.

Certain activities, when done regularly, are guaranteed to make you feel happy.

  1. Practice Gratitude: The best way to counter negativity from bad experiences is by having an "attitude of gratitude" towards the good things in life. Research shows that appreciating what you have leads to greater satisfaction and optimism, ultimately making you happier. To boost your gratitude, start a weekly "gratitude journal" where you write about things that make you feel thankful.
  2. Stay Optimistic: Happiness is nearly impossible if you're pessimistic. A negative outlook taints everything in a bleak light. Instead, be optimistic about life. Build your coping skills to feel more energized and goal-oriented. To promote optimism, visualize how you see your life going well. This exercise will help strengthen your optimistic outlook.
  3. Avoid Overthinking: Constant worrying and comparing yourself to others can lead to sadness and depression. This harmful habit can be broken by focusing on enjoyable activities like exercise or watching a movie, rather than dwelling on problems.
  4. Practice Kindness: Being kind is the ultimate happiness secret. Going out of your way to be kind makes you feel good and eliminates negative feelings like guilt and distress. Kindness immediately boosts your positive attitude. One way to practice kindness is through volunteering - it's a rewarding use of your time.
  5. Stay Social: Barbra Streisand's song "People Who Need People" claims that these folks "are the luckiest people in the world." Psychologists agree that the need for social inclusion is a powerful motivator for everyone. Being social makes you happy, allocate time for other people.
  6. Learn to Handle Stress: Stress is universal and comes from many problems. You can't be happy if you don't know how to deal with stress. Solve your problems by focusing on finding solutions. Take it step by step. Make a plan and take action. Get advice. If your stress is emotional, not from a situation, do things that make you feel good. Go for a hike. Listen to calming music. Visit a friend. Writing about stress can help you feel better.
  7. Forgive Others: Old sayings are often true, like "Forgive and forget." Psychologists say that people who hold on to anger, resentment, and hostility hurt themselves emotionally and physically. Forgiving someone who has hurt you isn't easy. One way to try is to write a forgiveness letter to that person. Write down what they did to hurt you. Then forgive them in writing. You don't have to send the letter. Just getting the hurtful feelings out helps. When you do that, you free yourself from those feelings.
  8. Live in the Present: Do you always think about the future, planning how great things will be when you get rich, lose weight, find true love, or get a better job? Or do you think about the past, regretting what you did or didn't do? Why not focus on the present? The present is all you have. The best way to be in the present is to focus on what you're doing now. As psychologist William James said, "My experience is what I agree to pay attention to." Pay attention to your life. Make each moment meaningful. Make every minute count.
  9. Accept Joy: Are you enjoying life to the fullest? With a positive mindset, even everyday activities can be delightful. Whether it's having breakfast or going to bed, use your imagination to make these moments special. Reflect on happy memories-they can provide valuable insights into current challenges.
  10. Set Meaningful Goals: When you commit to meaningful goals in life, you're committing to life itself. However, these goals must be sensible, achievable, and genuinely fulfilling. Many people aim to get rich or improve their looks. However, studies show that wealth or beauty doesn't guarantee happiness. These "extrinsic goals" can hinder the pursuit of more significant "intrinsic goals" that truly bring joy. These vary from person to person. For one, it might mean learning to cook. For another, it could be swimming every morning. Life feels empty without goals. So, wholeheartedly commit to yours.
  11. Spirituality: Studies show that religious individuals are significantly happier and healthier than those who are not religious. They handle illnesses and trauma better, and "searching for the sacred" helps them find inner peace. Religion and spirituality can bring purpose to your life.
  12. Stay Fit, Physically and Mentally: If you haven't tried meditation, you should. Meditation improves your focus. It gives you a break from striving and lets you release things. You stop thinking in your usual way and making quick judgments about everything. Do you exercise? It's one of the best ways to feel good about yourself right away. Act like a happy person. You can trick yourself into feeling happy by smiling and laughing. It's hard to feel sad when you're smiling.

Five Paths to Happiness

Achieving lasting happiness is a challenge that many seek. Knowing the 12 strategies to attain happiness can improve your chances of staying happy. Here's how to better understand and maintain happiness using the five "hows":

  1. Stay Positive Everyone can be happy for a short time. The real trick is staying happy over the long haul. Being positive is key. Imagine how you'd feel if a game show host showed up at your door with a million-dollar check. But you can create similar positive feelings in your daily life by doing small things like smiling, thinking about good stuff, and choosing joy. Your life can be either positive or negative-choose positivity, and you'll find lasting happiness. Research proves that positive feelings can cancel out negative ones, so staying upbeat is crucial.
  2. Pay attention to when and how you experience things: The 12 positive actions can boost your happiness. Try using all or some of them every day, especially when you need them most. For example, if you feel stressed talking to your boss or in-laws, you'll probably feel the same way in traffic court. Time your happiness habits for moments like these. Keep things fresh by adding variety to your "happiness routine." Mixing it up like this works wonders.
  3. Building Your Support System for Happiness: Strive to be happy every day. Having the support of your close friends, family, or mentors makes it easier to reach your happiness goals. This support validates your efforts and is crucial for achieving long-term happiness. Studies show that people are more likely to achieve their goals when they have active support from others.
  4. Dedicate to your ambitions: Success in any endeavor, whether it's swimming, art, writing, football, or dance, requires regular practice. This also holds true for happiness. If you want to be happy, you need to commit to a plan and put in the effort every day. Nothing worthwhile comes without hard work, and happiness is no exception. Even if you're busy, don't use that as an excuse to neglect your happiness. Find the time. Happiness is about making the most out of life. So, make the effort and commit to living a happy life.
  5. Develop Habits for Happiness: If you want to be happy then make happiness a habit. Just like eating right or exercising regularly, happiness takes practice. Work on doing things that make you happy until they become second nature. Once they do, you'll find yourself much happier without even trying!

Take charge of your happiness. You have the power to control how happy you feel. Understand what makes you happy, and start using it in your life. It's not easy, but it's worth it. Decide right now to be happier. Make that commitment to yourself today. Become a happier person starting today.

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