“Self-Addiction” 

Like most people, you probably want to change something about yourself that's not working well. Maybe it's a habit you've tried to kick but keep falling back into. Training sessions and workshops might offer good advice, but they often miss the mark on how to actually apply it to your life. This is especially tough when you're trying to change a behavior that feels ingrained, like working late all the time or talking too much.

Even though it might not seem like it, habits like these can act a lot like addictions. They're repetitive actions that hold you back instead of moving you forward. Sometimes, you might not even realize you're doing them. And even if you do, you might think it's just who you are and feel stuck.

If you're dealing with a serious addiction like drinking or gambling, it's essential to seek professional help. But for those everyday habits that feel like they're holding you back, understanding them as self-addictions can be the first step to breaking free.

Overcome Addictions

If you've ever felt stuck in harmful habits, you're not alone. From negative thinking to unhealthy eating, these self-addictions can take over our lives. But there's good news: you can break free for good. Here's what you need to know:

Early Benefits: At first, addictions might seem helpful, like boosting your confidence or self-image.

Self-Reinforcement: They become part of who you are and how you make decisions.

Negative Impact: Addictions often hurt not only you but also those around you. Some cause external harm, while others, like stress, mainly affect you internally.

Recognizing Addiction: If you keep doing something even though you know it's hurting you, that's a sign of addiction. It can make you feel powerless and stuck in a cycle.

Challenging Change: Overcoming addiction isn't easy. It's deeply ingrained and can affect every aspect of your life. That's why you need to change not just your actions but also your environment to beat it.

“Part I: Raising Awareness”

First, let's look at how you behave compared to those you admire. Think about people you respect and what traits or actions of theirs you admire. Then, contrast that with your own behavior. Do you find yourself envious of certain actions or reactions they have? Make a simple list of admired people and their traits, and note how you differ.

Next, consider moments when you've been shocked by the reactions of others to your behavior. For example, imagine if someone you worked with told you they were transferring because they felt you never appreciated their work. Or perhaps your child breaks down in tears because they feel like they can never meet your expectations. Reflect on these instances honestly and see if they reveal any self-addictions you may have, like being overly harsh or negative.

Finally, ask for feedback from others about your behavior. Find out what they appreciate about you and where they think you could improve. Be persistent in seeking honest opinions, even if people are hesitant to give them at first.

Assess Your Behavior for Change

Evaluate your willingness to change by recognizing the negative impact of your actions. Take a close look at your life, starting with the people around you. If you tend to be too passive, think about how this affects your family and friends. Consider their feelings and the practical implications, like if it costs them time or money. Try to put yourself in their shoes and see how your behavior might affect their opinions of you.

Next, reach out to those involved. Be persistent and ask for honest feedback. Prepare some questions to guide your conversation. Compare their insights with your own understanding of the situation. Then, reflect on your past, present, and future. How has this behavior affected you before? How might it hold you back in the future? Consider whether it limits your potential for success. This systematic review will help you understand the need for change and its broader impact.

Make Strong Commitments for Change

When you're ready to make a change, it's time to commit. No more vague promises. Be specific and measurable. Instead of saying you'll "exercise more," decide on a clear plan like going to the gym three times a week. If patience is your goal, limit yourself to a certain number of impatient actions per week. Make sure your goals are achievable. Running a mile in under four minutes might be specific, but it's not realistic for most people. Your goals should have clear benefits. Think about how they'll help you, the people around you, and even your organization. Understand why you want to make these changes. The more you connect your goals to these benefits, the more committed you'll be to achieving them.

On the flip side, think about why you might not want to change. Be honest about the benefits you get from your current behaviors. What will you lose if you change? Acknowledging these conflicting motivations can help reduce resistance to change. Set specific time limits for your goals. Forget about "someday." Once you've clarified your goals, write them down and put them somewhere you'll see them every day. Share your commitment with others and ask them to check on your progress.

“Part II: Building Support”

In the next phase of your journey towards change, it's time to gather your "Circle of Support." These are the folks who will have your back as you strive to make a difference in your life. Think of them as your cheerleaders, challengers, and feedback givers, all rolled into one. Alcoholics Anonymous does it with sponsors, who guide newly sober individuals. You'll benefit greatly from having such supporters to celebrate your successes and keep you on track. When seeking out your support team, trust is key. Here are the three types of supporters you should look for:

1. “Knowing Partners”: These are the people you confide in about the change you're aiming for. Share your goals with them.
2. “Informing Partners”: These folks provide feedback. Let them know about your desired change and ask them to keep an eye on your progress.
3. “Working Partners”: Engage them to help create change. They'll brainstorm ideas with you, challenge you to stay committed and provide support along the way.

Supporter Evaluation and Improvement

Review your circle of supporters and consider the roles each person might fulfill. Supporters can serve multiple roles. Identify those who enable your habits. "The co-conspirator" engages in your bad habits alongside you. For instance, someone who joins you for smoking breaks falls into this category. "The pessimist" believes you can't change. "The admirer" doesn't support your efforts to change because they think you're fine as you are, while "the avoider" tries to ignore any issues. It's important to change these relationships and surround yourself with genuine supporters.

Define the type of support you need from each person based on their individual strengths and habits. When seeking feedback, follow these steps: ask for feedback, listen carefully, ask for clarification if needed, express gratitude, and develop an action plan based on the feedback. Evaluate your supporters afterward. If they provide good feedback but seem uninterested, find ways to motivate them. If they are motivated but lack skills, guide them on how to give better feedback. If they are both unskilled and unmotivated, thank them for their input and release them from their obligation.

“Part III: Taking Action”

To start a new habit, first clearly define what you want to change and how you want to act differently. Try learning these new skills from a teacher, seminar, or by observing successful individuals. If these resources are unavailable, look to books, real-life examples, or personal experiences for guidance.

Prepare yourself for success by planning ahead. For instance, if you're trying to improve your eating habits, eat a healthy meal before going into situations where you might be tempted to make unhealthy choices. Train yourself to quickly recognize the behaviors you want to avoid. Slow down and consciously practice your new behavior. Keep track of your progress with written records.

Identify the things that trigger your unwanted behaviors ("instigators") and the factors that prevent you from adopting new habits ("blockers"). Create a list of specific actions or steps ("starters") that help you succeed. Lastly, establish "green lights" - rewards for yourself when you achieve your goals. These rewards can motivate you to continue your desired behavior.

Track  Progress and Review Goals

Keep a close eye on your actions and jot down notes about when you fall back into old habits and when you stick to your new ones. Pay attention to what triggers each type of behavior and whether certain people influence you more. Use these observations to figure out how to improve.

Regularly check in on your progress. Take a step back and evaluate how you're doing, either by yourself, with supporters, or when you hit your goal deadline. If you're doing well, give yourself a pat on the back. If you slip up, these check-ins help you learn from mistakes. Reaffirm your goals and brainstorm ways to make change easier. Maybe you need a coach or a new approach. Sometimes, you just need to recognize that change is tough and keep pushing forward. Remember, keeping tabs on yourself is a crucial part of achieving your goals.

Change

Transitioning through change can be tough, but you don't have to do it alone. When you've made it through, give a shout-out to those who supported you along the way. Then, pay it forward. Think about who you can lend a hand to. Lastly, when you've hit your goal, it's okay to take a breather. Treat yourself and recharge before tackling what's next.