Is Everyone Challenging?
Difficult people seem to be everywhere, making them tough to handle, and sometimes, you just wish they'd vanish. But they won't disappear by magic.

Instead, they fade away when you shift your attitude towards them. Once you stop seeing them as irritating, they cease to be. Most so-called difficult people are simply different. Their way of thinking doesn't match yours, and their approach to things might seem strange. You might wrongly label them as demanding, hypersensitive, or intentionally obstructive. However, a change is needed—not in them, but in you—to promote better relationships with those you perceive as difficult.

Cybil: Conqueror of Hardships
Cybil, a driven individual balancing her roles as a wife, mother, and executive, meticulously schedules even her sleep on her daily agenda due to her busy nature. Despite her efficiency, she perceives many individuals in her life, including family, colleagues, and even her boss, as difficult, leading her to wonder if they intentionally try to be bothersome. Unaware of her own thought processes and lacking self-awareness, Cybil fails to grasp why she consistently views those around her in this light.
Cybil arranged for a trainer to lead a full-day workshop for her team titled "How to Handle Difficult People." Although she wasn't keen on attending, the trainer insisted on her participation to set an example for her team. Reluctantly, Cybil agreed but planned to use her BlackBerry to multitask during the session. As the trainer was introduced, Cybil took her seat and immediately started working on her phone.

Sync Campaigns, Strategy, Clarity
During the seminar, the trainer grabbed everyone's attention, especially Cybil's, by saying that leadership starts with the voices inside our heads. She explained that by managing these voices, especially the ones that label others as difficult, we can see people in a new way: not as difficult, but simply different from ourselves. According to her, changing how we see others can make difficult people seem to vanish.

The trainer shared her seminar goals with the class, aiming to help everyone understand themselves better. She wanted participants to realize that others might see them as difficult at times. Through this self-awareness, she hoped they would learn not to label others as irritating.
Steer Interactions with Others
The trainer explained that most people aren't intentionally annoying; they're just different from us. We often find them difficult because we expect them to be like us, and when they're not, we label them as difficult. Once we tag someone as difficult, we tend to see and treat them that way.

In dealing with others, the trainer advised against using the Golden Rule—"Treat others as you want to be treated." It's a mistake to assume that everyone prefers the same communication style as us. Instead, we should adapt to how others want to be treated, rather than imposing our own preferences on them.
“The Platinum Rule”
Instead of just following the Golden Rule of treating others as you'd like to be treated, Cybil learned about the Platinum Rule: treating others how they want to be treated. This clicked with her because it made sense to focus on what people need, not just what you think they should have. It means taking the time to figure out what someone truly needs, even if it's challenging.

Cybil realized that having someone who pays attention to every detail, like an organizer, is crucial in any team. This kind of person puts in the effort to understand what everyone needs. She could see how this approach could prevent a lot of misunderstandings in relationships. Thinking back to her childhood, Cybil remembered how her parents always wanted her to be someone she wasn't. They criticized her for being too strong and aggressive, wishing she was more quiet and gentle like a "fluffy bunny." But no matter how hard she tried to change, she stayed true to herself: a strong and assertive woman.

Personality Assessment: Identifying Strengths
Cybil shifted her focus back to the classroom as the trainer talked about a tool for understanding personality. This tool looks at how people act when they're stressed to figure out their strengths and weaknesses. The trainer explained, "We'll find out what's not working for you. If there's something you don't like, we'll try to change that behavior."
The “CORE MAP”

The trainer caught everyone's attention with a simple question: "Ever thought you might be part of the problem sometimes?" She introduced a tool called the "CORE Multidimensional Awareness Profile," or the CORE MAP, which helps us understand our own behaviors better. This tool sheds light on those negative thoughts in our heads and how others behave.

CORE stands for descriptive preference labels, which describe different aspects of our behavior.

• "Commander" individuals are “assertive, decisive, and competitive.” When stressed, they may become “bossy and aggressive.” However, they are also task-oriented, highly productive, and known for making quick decisions.
• "Organizer" types are thorough, dependable, and detail-oriented. They can become withdrawn and stubborn under pressure. These individuals are logical thinkers who excel at perceiving right from wrong with clarity.
• “Relater” Usually friendly, cooperative, and playful, this person is sensitive, submissive, and guilt-laden when under stress. They're known for being empathetic nurturers who always make time to listen to their friends' problems.
• “Entertainer” An energetic, extroverted individual who can become pushy, loud, impatient, and demanding when stressed. Entertainers are lively, outgoing, and have short attention spans. They're always ready for a chat and would even talk to inanimate objects if given the chance.

Certain personality types clash with others. For instance, Organizers and Entertainers often don't see eye to eye, just like Relaters and Commanders. People tend to find those from different groups challenging. But when we grasp our behaviors and those of others, we're more likely to see them as good-hearted individuals doing their best based on their natural tendencies. It's not about who they are as a person, but rather how they behave, especially when they're under pressure.

Behavior “Trait Sets”

Have you ever pondered the reasons behind your behaviors and actions? The CORE MAP helps you figure it out. It shows your main behaviors and how stress affects them. For instance, Cybil recognized herself as a Commander type. Most of us don't realize how our actions tell others how to treat us, sometimes causing problems we didn't mean to create.

People in the audience found their CORE profiles fascinating. The trainer talked about each type's typical traits. They explained that many of us act in ways that don't match our true selves because of how we were raised. For example, society expects men to be like Commanders, even if they're really more like Relaters. But pretending to be someone you're not just leads to stress and exhaustion.

Align campaigns with strategy for clarity and unity

Cybil and the audience were thrilled with what they'd learned. The trainer encouraged them to use their CORE MAPS to figure out their own psychological needs and behaviors, as well as those of others. These maps help people understand why they and others act the way they do. By using them, they can manage their behavior better and understand others more. This increased awareness means they're less likely to label someone as "difficult.” 

The trainer specifically told Cybil to use the office’s CORE MAPS for coaching and motivating employees. These maps can also improve communication within the office and with clients, customers, and others outside the company.

Following the seminar, Cybil underwent an "assessment facilitation" session with the trainer. Using Cybil's CORE profile, the trainer provided a detailed report and discussed its implications with her. Cybil learned how to leverage her behavioral strengths both at home and in her professional life, while also recognizing and managing stress-related behaviors.

Transformative Impact of CORE Training

The CORE training benefited Cybil and her fellow participants by increasing self-awareness of their behaviors and how they interact with others. Post-training, Cybil found herself less judgmental, leading to fewer encounters with people she previously found challenging. Consequently, her personal and professional life saw significant improvements.

The seminar attendees found that as they improved their relationships outside of work, their productivity soared. It's incredible what a bit of self-awareness and control over our actions can do! Cybil and her boss were so happy with the CORE training that they decided to hire a trainer for more extensive education and training for the entire organization. This move is expected to positively change the company's culture.

Respect for All: Live and Let Live

Instead of judging others, try to see them for who they are. Just like you want to be yourself, let others be themselves too. Appreciate people for their uniqueness. Rather than getting annoyed by different behaviors, try to find them fascinating.

When someone does something you don't like, stop and say "cancel" to yourself. This helps to stop negative thoughts. Remember, you have the power to control how you see the world and the people in it. Take control of your thoughts, and watch how difficult people seem to disappear.