Confront Conflict.

To effectively handle conflict, it's essential to develop comfort with it and acknowledge your ability to manage it. However, choosing to evade or disregard conflict can lead to hazardous situations, essentially adding pressure to an already tense situation.

Researchers propose that humanity is driven by seven "instincts": seeking, anger, fear, panic, care, pleasure/lust, and play. The seeking instinct motivates exploration to fulfill one's needs. To promote effective and innovative solutions during conflicts, maintaining this instinct is crucial. It's important to recognize that excessive anxiety can hinder the seeking instinct. Overcoming feelings of anxiety is necessary to address conflicts, and engaging in play can be helpful. Play allows for the exploration of creative ideas without the pressure of finding the perfect solution.

Conflict arises from disagreements or disputes between groups, individuals, or entities, be they corporate or governmental. Sometimes, conflicts originate from seemingly insignificant factors. Failure to address minor issues can escalate disagreements into more serious conflicts. Most people prefer to avoid conflict and those who don't, often overlook the fact that well-crafted resolution processes can turn conflicts into opportunities, revealing new possibilities and options that might not have emerged otherwise.

Restore your balance.

Handling disagreements with others can seem simple, but it's important to be mindful of unintended consequences, such as the possibility of the dispute escalating into a legal matter. It's worth noting that you might have unknowingly fueled the conflict by neglecting smaller, accumulating issues over time. If you're contemplating a change in your approach, it requires a conscious decision. 

However, this shift may feel uncomfortable due to the uncertainties and potential risks involved, including the possibility of being blamed or exploited by others. Despite your best efforts, resolving the issue may not always be successful. These uncertainties contribute to why some conflicts persist unresolved for years, despite the good intentions of both parties.

The language you use in a conflict can either ease tensions or exacerbate them. It's crucial to prevent conflicts from escalating and instead, try to identify the underlying reasons to facilitate resolution. Viewing a conflict as an insurmountable puzzle can unnecessarily inflate its significance and complexity. Timing is key when addressing conflicts; tackling them early allows for more opportunities for resolution. Additionally, it's important to remain open to the possibility that some disagreements may naturally resolve themselves. Therefore, it's essential not to exaggerate the importance of every argument.

Individual Guidance.

Many individuals tend to align themselves with their friends' perspectives during conflicts, often leading to a polarized stance against those on the opposing side. The role of a "personal conflict coach" becomes invaluable in such scenarios, as they offer assistance to individuals embroiled in conflicts, aiding them in finding a resolution. These coaches can be managers, team members, or community leaders, and their approach may vary based on the situation. 

Whether maintaining a casual relationship or guiding individuals through each step of conflict resolution, the primary aim of the conflict coach is not to solve the conflict directly but to facilitate the process by helping all parties involved identify acceptable options.

Conflicts can be defused through the practice of "deep or expansive listening." This involves moving beyond surface-level expressions and observing the topics that individuals avoid or gloss over, as these often hold the true roots of the conflict. It's essential to acknowledge and validate others' feelings without passing judgment.

Significance of Mediation.

Mediation involves a neutral individual assisting conflicting parties in reaching a mutually acceptable resolution without offering guidance. All parties involved must agree to participate in mediation voluntarily. This voluntary aspect allows participants to reassess their situation and available options. Confidentiality is a fundamental aspect of mediation, particularly concerning discussions between the mediator and the involved parties.

Seven guiding principles for conflict resolution:

To address conflicts effectively, consider these seven principles:

1. "Acknowledge the conflict": 

If you deny the existence of a disagreement, you risk allowing it to escalate. Reflect on whether you've acknowledged the presence of a conflict within yourself. Do you find yourself dwelling on the issue at night? Are you avoiding someone? Engaging in gossip about them? Answering yes to these questions could indicate involvement in a conflict.

Acknowledging the conflict doesn't necessarily mean immediate resolution. It's about accepting its existence as a current challenge. Recognizing your involvement, whether voluntary or not, can dispel uncertainty, providing clarity to address the conflict. Confronting conflict requires courage and a mature response, understanding that differences may arise from seemingly trivial reasons. Internal conflicts, such as reconciling personal aspirations with practical demands, can influence external responses. Understanding these internal conflicts enables more informed decision-making.

2. "Take control of your response": 

When overwhelmed by emotions, strive to manage your reactions, particularly if they tend towards harmful outcomes. Instinctive reactions often lack thoughtful consideration, leading to potentially irrational actions. If you opt to address the conflict, carefully consider the situation, your emotional inclinations, and the available choices. Taking a break allows for reflection on your position and decision-making. 

Eric Berne's concept of "transactional analysis" in his book "Games People Play" outlines the ego states of "parent, adult, and child" that individuals traverse in interactions. Transitioning to an adult state during conflict enables a contextual understanding, facilitating more deliberate decisions.

3."Apply the resolution framework for difficult conversations":

To initiate the first phase of the resolution framework, begin by preparing for the conversation and equipping yourself with the necessary tools. Follow these steps:

•  "Manage your physical and emotional response" - Focus on your bodily sensations to effectively handle the situation. Pay attention to your breath and heartbeat, practicing slow breathing to maintain composure.
• "Write down your initial fears, wants, and needs" - Documenting your concerns about the situation reduces the need for external discussion, allowing for introspection.
• "Change perspectives and see the bigger picture" - Take responsibility for your actions and responses, considering the potential consequences. Acknowledge the broader implications of your actions.
• "Get your facts straight" - Ensure you are well-informed with accurate information to avoid misinterpretations during the conversation. Prevent emotional bias from distorting the facts.
• "Identify and think through outcomes and options" - Explore the potential outcomes and available options for addressing the situation, considering both your perspective and the other party's.

In the subsequent phase of applying the resolution framework, prioritize expansive listening to provide the other person with an opportunity to express themselves fully before forming judgments. Utilize summarizing and paraphrasing techniques to clarify understanding and demonstrate attentive listening. Additionally, attempt reframing to present the situation from a fresh perspective, although be mindful of potential biases. Pay attention not only to verbal communication but also to nonverbal cues and body language, allowing the other person time to share their thoughts openly.

4. œManage the Resolution “ the Soft Mediation Assignment:   

In situations where conflicting parties have not become completely unyielding, you can assume the role of a "resolution agent." This position entails similar responsibilities to those of a conflict coach or mediator. However, unlike other roles in conflict resolution, the resolution agent is motivated to facilitate agreement between the conflicting sides. Establishing trust between the opposing parties and the resolution agent is crucial.

Addressing the discordant parties, present your approach and clarify your stance, emphasizing your impartiality. Outline the options available to the conflicting parties to provide transparency. Assist in setting boundaries, establishing an agenda, and coordinating joint meetings. Facilitate the development of "SMART agreements," ensuring they are Specific, Measurable, Agreed upon, Realistic, and Time-bound. By subscribing to these agreements, the parties demonstrate their commitment, avoiding acceptance of terms under pressure.

5. œBuild a Culture of Early Conflict Resolution  

Encouraging individuals to accept conflict as an opportunity for growth and education promotes organizational efficiency and minimizes emotional and legal disputes. Implementing this cultural shift requires patience and perseverance amid resistance.

6. œWalk the Walk 

Reflect on your conflict resolution practices and encourage colleagues to develop their conflict management skills. Utilize tools like the Can Inventory to address conflicts consciously, acknowledge them, and take proactive steps toward resolution.

7. œEngage the Safety Net 

When informal conflict resolution fails, consider seeking legal advice, consulting subject matter experts, and reassessing business objectives to determine the most suitable course of action, ensuring alignment with organizational goals and values.

EstablishYour Priorities:

Assess your financial and personal priorities to determine if engaging in a dispute is worthwhile. Explore mediation as an alternative to legal proceedings for addressing issues. While often informal, mediation offers a viable path to resolution. Evaluate whether it could be effective in your circumstances. Successful mediation hinges on open communication with the other party involved in the conflict. Utilizing conflict resolution tools is essential for achieving clarity and making rational decisions.