Body language speaks louder than words

Imagine trying to soothe your baby to sleep with a gentle lullaby, but you're doing it with wide eyes, a frown, and hunched shoulders. Even if your voice sounds calm, your body language sends a message that might seem aggressive. 

This makes it harder for your child to relax and fall asleep. Our body language often speaks louder than our words, influencing how others perceive our intentions. A study at Harvard University in 2000 showed how important body language is in communication. Psychologist Nancy Etkoff conducted trials with two groups of people. 

One group had aphasia, a condition that makes it hard to understand speech. The other group had no speech problems. Both groups watched videos of people talking, some telling lies and others telling the truth. Participants had to guess who was lying based on body language cues.

Why People with Aphasia Are Good at Spotting Lies

People with aphasia are surprisingly adept at detecting lies, a study found. According to Etkoff, this is because they struggle to grasp words, making them focus more on body language than those who understand spoken language. 

This non-verbal communication reveals a person's true feelings and thoughts. Research shows that body language is crucial in communication because it reveals our true feelings. This is especially vital during important speeches. 

For instance, if you're delivering a motivational message but appear tense and closed off, your audience will sense something's off. To be a good communicator, your words must align with your body language. This requires genuine belief in your message. In essence, being authentic in your communication is key to effectiveness.

Adopt core values for resilience and conviction against stress

Many self-help books promote repeating phrases like "Every day I get better and better" or "I always see the bright side of life." These affirmations are often shallow and don't provide much benefit. However, not all affirmations are created equal. Some can truly make a difference, such as affirming your core values. In 2014, psychologist Geoffrey Cohen from Stanford University conducted a study that included an exercise aimed at strengthening core values. It's simple enough that you could do it today in your spare time. 

First, make a list of things you value in life, such as creativity, healthy living, hard work, giving back to your community, spirituality, or other passions. Then, choose one from your list to be a core value. Take a moment to write a short essay about this value and why it's important to you.

The Power of Writing About Your Values

In Cohen’s study, a participant chose "being of service" as her core value. Her essay explained how the world could improve if more people took the time to help each other. This exercise isn't just simple—it has surprising benefits. It can make you stronger against daily stress and more persuasive when you talk to others. 

Another study in 2005 by American psychologists David Creswell and David Sherman tested this idea. One group wrote essays about their main core value, while another group wrote about random topics. After writing about their core values, participants faced a stressful situation: giving a speech and solving math problems in front of a critical panel. 

Researchers measured their stress levels by analyzing saliva for "cortisol," a hormone linked to stress. Participants who wrote about their core values showed no increase in cortisol levels during the stress test, unlike the other group, which experienced significant rises in cortisol.

Imposter syndrome is common; don't let it hinder

Confidence is a key trait in effective communicators. Yet, achieving that confidence can be tough if you struggle with self-worth. Many of us feel inadequate or undeserving of success. Some might even think they'll never speak well in front of others, so why bother trying? This feeling of being a fraud or not deserving success is called imposter syndrome, and it's more common than you might realize. 

Psychologist Pauline Clance coined the term in 1978. Having achieved much success in her career, she still felt unworthy of praise. She believed her accomplishments were just luck, viewing herself as an impostor compared to her peers who she felt deserved success more.

Impostor Syndrome Across Genders

In 1978, Clance studied 178 successful American women, mainly white and middle-class. Surprisingly, most of these women felt "inadequate or fraudulent" despite their impressive achievements. In 1993, Clance conducted a similar study on men and found that they too experienced impostor syndrome as strongly as women did. 

However, unlike women who openly discussed their feelings, men tended to keep their insecurities hidden, only revealing them anonymously. Overcoming feelings of inferiority can be tough. Studies reveal that even with significant success, "imposter syndrome" persists. A helpful perspective is realizing how widespread this phenomenon is.

Knowing that most people struggle with it, you realize two things: either everyone feels inadequate, or our sense of self-worth is flawed. Understanding the truth helps you recognize and manage imposter syndrome, especially during stressful moments like before a big speech.

Perceived powerlessness breeds actual powerlessness, with remedies available

Psychologist Cuddy once spoke with Cassidy, who felt lost and powerless in life. Cuddy discovered the root of Cassidy's struggle: throughout high school and college, she excelled as a track and field athlete. However, after graduating, her once empowering athletic career faded. This left Cassidy feeling helpless and unsure about her future. 

Cassidy's experience is common—a cycle where feelings of powerlessness lead to changes in behavior and actual powerlessness. In 2003, psychologist Dacher Keltner studied how feeling empowered or powerless affects our approach to life. The approach system, a network in our brain, drives us to be curious, adventurous, and open to new experiences. 

It's crucial to be outgoing and seize opportunities.  Conversely, the inhibition system encourages caution. When overactive, it makes us overly wary, seeing threats where others see chances. Nothing triggers this system more than repeated feelings of powerlessness.

Break Free from Feelings of Powerlessness

When faced with disempowering situations, it's common to dwell on them, letting negativity take over. This can lead to feeling stuck in a cycle of powerlessness. However, you can break this pattern by shifting your focus to positive experiences. Doing so will re-engage your mind and strengthen your ability to take action. 

Even if you're feeling powerless now, you can think back to times when you felt empowered by your actions. This can help you regain a sense of control and move forward positively. Try this method, pioneered by Pamela Smith, a professor of Management Studies at UCLA San Diego: Reflect on a moment of empowerment tied to your core values. 

Perhaps it was when you stood up to a bully or connected deeply with friends through honesty and openness. By revisiting such moments now, you can reconnect with your sense of empowerment, enhancing your psychological state and strengthening your approach system.

Power is linked to movement

The Haka is a traditional Maori dance, famously performed by the New Zealand rugby team, the All Blacks, before every match. It involves strong movements like puffing out your chest, stomping your feet, and slapping your thighs. These actions are meant to invoke feelings of strength and confidence, making it a physically empowering exercise. Engaging in a coordinated dance can be thrilling. 

The Haka, for instance, is incredibly effective because each movement is crafted to show strength and intimidate rivals. This dance vividly illustrates how closely linked movement and power are. Our minds naturally perceive certain body movements as either commanding or feeble. In a 2015 study by Cuddy and biologist Nikolaus Troje, one hundred participants watched simple figures move on a screen. 

These figures, made up of basic lines and dots, mimicked human body parts. Participants were asked to judge whether these movements seemed powerful or powerless. The findings revealed that people perceive powerful movements as expansive — like broad arm swings and large, energetic steps. In contrast, movements that are smaller, more restricted, or contracted are quickly seen as signs of powerlessness.

Understand Body Language

The way you move can say a lot about how you feel inside. When speaking to a crowd, your gestures matter. For instance, a 1998 study revealed that any gestures or postures that make you seem smaller can convey powerlessness. This includes sitting or standing with your head down and shoulders slouched forward. 

Even subtle muscle tensions, like tight facial expressions, can send the same message. These non-verbal cues are crucial because they shape how others perceive your confidence and authority. When people bring their hands up around their necks, it signals powerlessness. This instinctive move is defensive, protecting the vulnerable carotid artery. 

Our body reacts this way when under threat, and surprisingly, we do it in vulnerable situations like public speaking. So, when negotiating or speaking in front of an audience, remember to use open, confident body language like a fearless Maori warrior.

The nervous system easily switches modes: stress or relax

If you've ever admitted to feeling nervous before a big meeting or event, you might have had a friend pat your shoulder and say, “Just relax.” It sounds logical, as we don't want tense muscles that show powerlessness, but it's not so simple. 

However, knowing how to relax can become easier once you grasp how the nervous system operates. The human nervous system operates in two main modes: the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS). 

The SNS kicks in during alert situations, while the PNS activates in safe and relaxed moments, slowing the heart rate and promoting deep breathing. When you need to calm down from stress, engaging the PNS helps relax muscles and improves posture.

Activate the PNS through the Vagus Nerve

The key to activating the PNS lies in the body’s main pathway: the vagus nerve. It runs from the brain to the heart and lungs. When your brain senses safety, it sends a signal to slow down your heart and breathing. But it also works the opposite way. 

If you consciously take slow, deep breaths and relax your muscles, a signal travels up to the brain. This helps you feel more confident and in control. Try this simple breathing exercise now. Breathe in slowly and deeply, then pause briefly before exhaling slowly and fully. 

Repeat this breathing pattern several times. According to a 2013 study by biologist M. K. Bhasin, this exercise can reduce anxiety, ease depression, and boost optimism. People who tried it said they felt more in control of their emotions — in other words, more empowered.

Confident posture empowers daily interactions

When teaching at Harvard Business School, Cuddy urges students to actively participate in class, which heavily influences their final grades. Despite this strong incentive, some students still hesitate to join discussions. Surprisingly, Cuddy noticed that simply changing these students' posture and body language improved their willingness to engage. The issue wasn't their understanding—they performed well on tests. 

Rather, non-participating students consistently exhibited powerless body language. Upon entering the classroom, the students instinctively moved towards the walls, heads buried in books or gadgets. Rather than sitting upright with both feet grounded, non-participants were visibly tense, crossing their limbs and nervously playing with their hair. 

This body language, observed by Cuddy, indicates low self-esteem, hindering their engagement in class and impacting their social and academic success. Cuddy's 2010 study, conducted with colleagues, demonstrated that posture improvement can enhance one's sense of empowerment. Participants viewed photos of various poses and mimicked them, revealing the profound link between body language and self-perception.

Power Poses and Decision Making

In a study, participants were assigned to either "power poses" or "powerless poses." Power poses included standing tall with hands on hips, while powerless poses involved crossing arms or slouching in a chair. Later, they were asked a simple question: keep two dollars or take a chance on a dice game to double their money. 

The results were striking: 33% of those in power poses were willing to roll the dice, compared to just 8% of those in powerless poses. This suggests that adopting confident postures ("power poses") can boost your willingness to take risks and seize opportunities in life.

Utilize power poses, and maintain a strong posture for challenges

Power poses aren't just about feeling confident and outgoing. They can also help you prepare for tough situations. By striking a power pose, you can feel more relaxed, in control, and empowered. This makes power poses perfect for getting yourself in the right mindset and body posture before facing challenges. 

Since every day brings its own set of obstacles, why not start each morning with some poses in a private space like your bedroom or bathroom? All you need is a safe spot to stand tall and feel ready to take on the day. Power poses involve expansive body positions that exude confidence. 

Picture a triumphant Superman or Superwoman stance—feet planted, hands on hips. Or imagine celebrating a winning goal, arms raised high. Even in public places, like a waiting room before a crucial meeting, sitting tall with shoulders back projects strength. Maintain this posture throughout challenging situations to sustain confidence.

Improve Your Presentation Posture

To appear confident during presentations, avoid awkward stances like hands on hips. Instead, maintain a powerful posture by keeping your shoulders back, chest open, and taking deep breaths. Stay grounded by evenly distributing weight on both feet and avoiding shifting or crossing your legs.

Keep your gaze up, facing the room, rather than looking down. Adopt these tips to approach each day with boldness and vibrancy. Remember, confidence is key – and if you ever feel powerless, a power pose could be just what you need.