Stoicism Builds On Epicureanism To Promote Happiness In A Consumerist Age.

What is happiness? It's a question people have asked for ages. While trying to find an answer, the author discovered Stoicism, a philosophy that began in Greece in the third century BCE. Stoics believe that happiness comes from accepting life as it is instead of constantly seeking new pleasures or avoiding unavoidable problems.

But our story starts with a different philosophy: Epicureanism. This idea comes from Epicurus, who was born in 341 BCE. He studied the connection between happiness and material goods while in his garden in Athens. Epicurus was the first Western philosopher to seriously examine this relationship. Epicurus believed that happiness doesn't depend on owning things. What really matters is how we feel about what we have or don't have. In other words, having unrealistic expectations about what we need and deserve makes us unhappy. True happiness comes from being content with what we already have or what we can reasonably expect to get in our lives.

Find Happiness Beyond Material Wealth

In everyday life, we often find examples that reflect philosophical ideas. During his journey through Morocco's Atlas Mountains, the author encountered a modest Berber family. Despite having very little, they were genuinely happy with their simple life. They owned basic necessities like cooking utensils, clothes, furniture, and a mule. This kind of contentment mirrors the happiness Epicurus advocated for.

Epicureanism isn't just about being okay with poverty; it's relevant in affluent societies too, where consumerism is rampant. Both Epicureans and Stoics argue that true happiness comes from having just the essentials. This varies depending on where you are, but it means avoiding luxuries that strain your finances. Epicurus taught that the pleasure of buying things is short-lived, while financial worries can cause lasting misery. Stoicism builds on this insight, offering practical ways to apply these teachings to everyday life.

You Can't Change External Circumstances, But You Can Control Your Response.

Stoicism wasn't limited to ancient Greece. One of its well-known followers was Marcus Aurelius, a Roman emperor from 161 to 180 CE. His reign was marked by conflicts with the Parthian Empire in the Middle East and Germanic tribes in northern Europe. Amid these challenges, Aurelius turned to Stoicism to find inner peace.

Aurelius believed emotions are fleeting and change in response to what happens around us. For example, imagine your close friend hasn't been responding to your messages for weeks. You might feel hurt, confused, and angry, thinking it's unfair. But if she calls and explains she's been dealing with a family emergency, suddenly your anger disappears and you feel sympathy instead. This shows how emotions can shift based on new information.

Emotions Are Within Our Control

Emotions can change quickly. Stoics say it’s not what happens to us that affects our feelings, but how we interpret it. For example, a rude waiter can ruin one person’s night while someone else enjoys their meal. The same goes when your partner forgets your birthday – it hurts because we often connect it to other times they’ve disappointed us. Stoics argue this is pointless. We can’t change the past, but we can control how we react. Taking responsibility for our thoughts and actions can lead to a happier life.

Learn to Let Go of Things You Can't Control; It's Liberating.

Letting go of things you can’t control is a freeing experience because life is unpredictable, and we can't control everything. Some people try to manage every detail of their lives and the actions of others, but Stoic philosophers like Epictetus teach us that this desire is misguided. According to Epictetus, we can only control our own thoughts and actions—everything else is out of our hands. This doesn't mean we should feel helpless, though. Instead, it means we should focus on what we can control and accept that we can't change everything else.

Next time you face a problem, ask yourself whether it’s something you can change, like your thoughts or actions, or if it’s out of your control, in which case, you should accept it and move on. For example, if your colleague gets promoted and you feel overlooked, your frustration comes not from the promotion itself, but from your reaction to it. Stoicism teaches that your emotions are driven by how you think about situations, so instead of letting negative thoughts take over, try accepting things as they are. This approach may feel difficult, but it’s freeing—like the relief you felt as a teenager waking up on a Saturday, knowing you had the whole day ahead with no school.

Favor Performance Over Obsession with Outcomes

We've just seen that getting upset about your colleague's promotion doesn't help much. You can control your actions, though. So, isn't it logical to focus on earning your own promotion? Well, yes and no. Let's break it down, starting with the downside. In most cases, we can only influence outcomes to a certain extent.

Working hard, doing quality work, and showing your bosses how much effort you're putting in can improve your chances of moving up at work. But it's not a guarantee. Ultimately, the final decision isn't yours to make. What your boss prefers, who else is up for the job, and luck all play roles.

Focus on What You Can Control

It's unproductive to dwell on things beyond your control. Instead of fixating on unreachable goals, concentrate on what you can influence. For instance, being overly ambitious might annoy others. Instead of constantly hinting for a promotion, build your reputation through hard work. Bryan Cranston, an American actor, highlighted at the 2012 Academy Awards that actors can only control their performance during auditions. By giving your best effort, creating a strong character, and delivering lines convincingly, you can be proud of your work even if you don't land the part. This aligns with Stoic philosophy, emphasizing that the outcome you can truly influence is how well you fulfill your role.

Stoics Trust Initial Impressions and Create Deeper Self-Awareness.

Anxiety can show up in different ways, but one common trait is a strong need to find deeper meaning. This often leads to trying to uncover hidden flaws in others. It's a self-defense mechanism: by claiming to know people's true intentions, it becomes easier to assume the worst about them and keep your distance. Stoicism, however, rejects this obsession with digging deep into people and things. Stoics trust their first impressions as objective truths, believing they're not shallow, but reliable.

Imagine a guy asking his girlfriend if she ever finds other guys attractive. She pauses before saying no. If you're anxious, you might think she's lying or dodging. But what if he takes her answer as it is? It changes things. He asked, and she answered directly. No reason to doubt her. Maybe her pause meant she was just thinking carefully, not hiding anything.

A Path to Inner Peace

This approach aims to maintain your peace of mind and is complemented by a technique called prosoché, meaning "paying attention" in Greek. It's like being self-aware to prevent troubling thoughts that could disrupt your inner calm.

The main idea of prosoché is to focus on persistence rather than perfection. For example, imagine someone trying to quit smoking. Let's say they've quit for two weeks but recently had a setback and smoked a couple of cigarettes. If they're fixated on achieving absolute perfection—quitting for good—they might feel like they've failed and go back to smoking. But with prosoché, they understand that striving for perfection can be harmful. They recognize that slip-ups happen; quitting is tough. A moment of weakness doesn't mean they're a failure. The key is to acknowledge the mistake, move forward, and keep trying.

Anger Corrupts Reason, Leading to Unhappiness and Remorse.

In ancient times, leaders like Greek and Roman rulers were known for their quick tempers. Take King Lysimachus, the successor to Alexander the Great. When his friend Telesphorus insulted his wife, the king didn't hold back. He ordered Telesphorus to be tortured, disfigured and paraded through town in a cage.

Stoics of that era, who valued calmness and reason, were shocked. They believed anger hinders communication and turns us thoughtless and brutish. Most importantly, it can ruin the things we care about most. While our societies today aren't as brutal as those ruled by hot-headed tyrants, anger still causes similar problems. For instance, the author recalls a former colleague from the television industry who lost his cool after being criticized for poor project management. He exploded in anger, accusing others of laziness and spreading lies. His outburst was obvious to everyone in the office.

Manage Anger: Controlling Your Temper

Simply put, a colleague's embarrassing outburst overshadowed his intentions. Instead of debating his work ethic, everyone ended up laughing at his behavior. It’s no surprise that anger often leads to regret. When we're furious, we tend to damage our closest relationships. Once the anger fades, we realize we've isolated ourselves from colleagues, friends, and family. Seneca, a Roman statesman and philosopher, observed centuries ago that angry people destroy what they value most, only to later mourn their own losses. So, it's wise to learn how to control your temper. But that's easier said than done. Next, we'll explore tips to help you manage your anger effectively.

Wait, Analyze Triggers to Control Anger Effectively.

The best way to manage anger is to pause and reflect on what triggered it before reacting. You’ve probably seen videos of people losing their cool in public places like parking lots or stores, and these outbursts usually make things worse. To avoid being one of those people, when you feel anger building up, take a deep breath, count to ten, and allow yourself time for the anger to pass. This simple technique helps control your impulses and can prevent conflicts from escalating.

Instead of jumping into an argument right away, follow the advice of the Greek Stoic philosopher Plutarch; let the other person finish their point. By holding back and listening carefully, you give yourself time to think and may even understand their perspective better. This helps you avoid reacting impulsively. Also, try to figure out what’s really causing your anger. Often, underneath anger, you'll find other emotions, like fear. Fear can show up in two main ways: fear of being rejected or fear of being overwhelmed.

Understand Your Anger Triggers

If you're someone who hates feeling abandoned and prefers being with others, you might get angry when you’re left alone. On the other hand, if you enjoy being alone, you could lose your temper when there are too many people around. This shows up differently based on your personality. For example:

• If you value your alone time, you might get frustrated when your partner wants you to attend a social event.
• If you love being social, you may feel upset if your partner doesn’t invite you to an outing.

Figuring out the reason behind your anger can help you manage it better.

Curbing Your Curiosity Preserves Peace of Mind.

Curiosity can disrupt your peace of mind, and keeping it in check helps prevent anger from arising. While you may already know how to control your temper, the key is stopping anger before it even starts. When you're overly curious about things that don’t concern you, it can lead to unnecessary trouble and conflict with others. Stoics emphasize that being too focused on the lives of others can disturb your inner peace and make it harder to stay calm.

Seneca warned that seeking out spiteful gossip always leads to anger, and Plutarch advised against trying to find out what others say about you behind your back, as it only causes trouble. In ancient times, philosophers could easily avoid unnecessary annoyance by minding their own business. Today, however, with social media constantly bombarding us with opinions that often upset us, it's much harder to avoid. People online often say things they would never say face-to-face, making it even easier to get caught up in anger and frustration.

Find Peace in a World of Opinions

In today’s media-driven world, people who enjoy stirring up controversy often dominate conversations, leading to unnecessary arguments. For instance, your aunt might normally keep her thoughts on topics like privatizing public services to herself, but when on social media, she freely shares her opinions. The Stoics suggest we accept that we can't change others’ minds, and instead of getting upset, we should simply mute or ignore them. Realizing that we can’t control others—whether it’s their opinions, voting choices, or decisions—helps us avoid unnecessary stress and frees up mental space to focus on what we can control: our own thoughts, feelings, and actions.