Cumulative Stress Reaction in Children

Most people today live extremely busy lives, constantly looking at phones or computers, and getting hit with advertisements everywhere they go. This constant bombardment of stimuli makes modern life very hectic. While adults can often handle this constant overload, children find it much harder. This overwhelming stress is what the author calls “cumulative stress reaction,” or CSR. In his role as a teacher and private consultant, the author frequently saw children dealing with severe stress, anxiety, and nervousness, all signs of CSR. Children experiencing CSR might become overly controlling, hypervigilant, and lack resilience or empathy.

It’s important to note that children need to experience some stress and challenges to build resilience and learn about the world. They might fall from a tree or have conflicts with friends, but these experiences help them grow. However, constant stress doesn’t help children grow. Instead, it worsens CSR symptoms. Take the example of James, whose parents asked the author for help because his anxiety was increasing. Although James’s parents were educated and always engaged with current events—CNN was on 24/7 in their home—this adult environment was harming their son. James showed CSR symptoms, becoming overly nervous and controlling. He was even too scared to learn to ride a bike until he was eight years old.

Simplify Your Child’s Toy Collection for Better Playtime

According to sociologist Juliet Schor, an American child will, on average, receive 70 new toys per year. But kids don’t need so many toys. What they need is time and space to explore and grow. When you fill your child’s play area with too many toys, it can lead to too many choices, which may cause them to become demanding and focused on material things rather than imaginative play. To fix this, cut the number of toys in half twice, or even three times. There’s no exact perfect number of toys; the goal is just to greatly reduce the amount. 

Start by getting rid of any toys that are broken. Then, remove the ones that no longer interest your child. For example, if a Barbie doll ends up with missing limbs, it’s a sign that it’s too unchangeable for them. Discard or donate most fixed toys during this first cut. For the second round, continue to get rid of or donate toys. If there are toys you’re not ready to part with, store them in the attic or basement for now. In the final round, be very selective and only keep the toys you know your child would want to keep.

Consistent Daily Schedule for Kids

Even people living alone often find it hard to stick to a daily routine, so imagine how challenging it is for a whole family to maintain one. When the author asks families about their typical day, most admit they don't have one. However, having a consistent schedule is crucial for children. They need regularity and predictability to focus on learning about themselves and the world. To create this structure, you need to establish routines like mealtime, playtime, bath time, and bedtime, and stick to them every day. Over time, this routine will make days more predictable for your child.

Children will start to think things like: “Aha, after I wake up, it’s time to eat breakfast” or, “Before I go to sleep, it’s time to read a book.” This helps them feel secure and focused. Another helpful strategy is to limit surprises by giving your child a “preview” of what the day will be like. While you can’t always predict every detail of your busy life, you can let your child know about parts of the day they can count on.

Take six-year-old Justin, for example. His parents had very busy lives and didn’t have a routine, which made Justin feel insecure. He started refusing to get out of bed because he didn’t want to face the unknown. To fix this, his parents began giving him a “preview” each night about what the next day would bring, such as how he’d get to school and who would pick him up. Knowing what to expect helped Justin get out of bed and made his days less confusing.

The Risks of Overscheduling Kids

When a child has activities planned for most days of the week, it might be too much. Some parents, wanting the best for their children, sign them up for everything: soccer, school plays, club meetings, auditions, karate, and more. While these activities might seem exciting, too many of them can make a child's life all about competition and achievement instead of just enjoying themselves. To describe these children, the author uses the term "overscheduled." They end up with little to no time for simply relaxing or engaging in creative play. Without this free time, they miss out on important opportunities to learn and grow. 

Of course, sports and other activities can be very beneficial for kids. But they shouldn’t replace personal playtime. The best way to organize a child’s schedule is to balance activities with downtime. For example, Sarah structured her daughter Emily’s life this way. One weekend during a chaotic Passover gathering at Sarah’s house, Emily got overwhelmed and started acting out. To calm her down, Sarah took Emily for a bike ride, giving her a much-needed break from their busy schedule. Similarly, Frankie’s mom noticed that while he enjoyed going to monster truck derbies with his dad, he became more aggressive with his toys afterward. To balance this intense activity, she made sure he had time to play freely and peacefully on his own.

Reduce Screen Time to Protect Your Child

In our fast-paced society, adults are often under a lot of stress, which leads to widespread anxiety. This anxiety can affect children as well. To shield them from this, it’s important to separate them from the adult world. One effective way to do this is by cutting down on the constant flow of information from screens. Today, most homes have many screens: TVs, computers, and mobile phones, all constantly providing a stream of information and stimulation. Among these, TV is the worst because it offers endless entertainment full of sensationalism and violence. To help your child learn and grow naturally, consider getting rid of your TVs and reducing the impact of adult information.

In 2005, neurologists found that children from zero to two years old need to interact with people and their environment and play problem-solving games like "peekaboo" to develop their brains properly. Watching TV does not offer these benefits, so young children who watch TV get no developmental advantage.

In 1999, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommended that no child under two should watch TV and that older children should watch only a limited amount. Therefore, it makes sense to reduce the number of screens in your home. While you can’t eliminate screens, you can manage their presence in your private space. You don’t need to get rid of all your screens, but setting some limits will improve your family’s happiness and well-being.