How to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night

Sleepless nights don’t have to be inevitable for new parents. French children often sleep through the night starting as early as a few weeks old. The secret lies in how parents respond to their babies. Babies make a lot of noise at night, but their cries don’t always mean they need something. They naturally wake up every few hours due to short sleep cycles. Sometimes, they wriggle or cry just because they’re trying to get back to sleep.

It’s rare for a baby to need food during the night, as digestion can interfere with sleep just like it does for adults. In 1993, the journal Pediatrics published a study by Teresa Pinella and Leann Birch that instructed new mothers on how to soothe their babies. They had three rules:

1.  Don’t rock the baby to sleep.
2. Only feed them during the night if you’ve already tried swaddling, patting, walking them around, and changing their diapers.
3. Learn the difference between whimpering and real crying.

Pinella and Birch found that among parents following these instructions, 38 percent of their babies could sleep through the night after just four weeks, compared to only seven percent of those who didn’t receive the instructions. You also need to wait before responding to your baby. Don’t intervene right away when they cry. Give them a chance to fall back asleep on their own, as babies often aren’t fully awake when they start crying, and you might make it worse if you pick them up. This doesn’t mean you should ignore a crying baby, but you should gradually increase the time you wait before responding. Start with a few seconds for a newborn and gradually extend it to a few minutes. Babies need time to learn how to get back to sleep by themselves, and it’s your responsibility to help them develop that autonomy.

French vs. American Kids' Eating Habits

Children can be picky eaters, especially in the United States, where they often gravitate toward a limited range of foods. In contrast, French children are encouraged to enjoy a wide variety of cuisines. During visits to American seafood, Italian, and Cuban restaurants, it's noticeable that the kids' menus typically offer the same items: hamburgers, chicken fingers, and pizza.

French restaurants, on the other hand, rarely provide a separate "kids' menu." The belief in France is that children should be exposed to different types of food to develop their palates. A typical kindergarten lunch in France might consist of red cabbage and fish in dill sauce, a brie-like cheese, and a baked apple. French children are also introduced to delicacies such as foie gras, sardine mousse, and goat cheese. It’s considered important for children to experience various textures and flavors, and they are regularly served foods prepared in different ways, like leeks that can be steamed, pureed, creamed, or baked. While French children aren’t expected to like everything, they are encouraged to try a variety of foods. One mother emphasized that her daughter must take at least one bite of everything on her plate.

This approach contributes to the practice of serving three-course meals to children in France, which helps them explore more tastes and understand nutrition. The first course might include a vegetable soup or salad, and children are expected to eat some or all of the appetizers before moving on to the main course. Kids can learn to enjoy a range of foods, including vegetables, with the guiding principle: "You have to try at least one bite."

The Benefits of Fixed Mealtimes

How often have you eaten a sandwich at your desk or grabbed a snack on the way home? While we enforce mealtimes for kids, we often don’t follow them ourselves. The French, however, understand that mealtimes are about more than just staying slim. Fixed mealtimes help reduce calorie intake, lowering the risk of obesity. Nearly all French children eat four times a day: at 8 a.m., midday, 4 p.m., and 8 p.m. Snacking between meals is usually forbidden, so if a child wants a chocolate bar, they eat it at “snack time” at 4 p.m.

Only 3.1 percent of French five-year-olds are obese, compared to 10.4 percent of American five-year-olds, with the gap widening as they age. Stricter mealtimes also mean fewer tantrums, which often happen when a child wants a treat in the street or supermarket. French children learn early that it’s pointless to try because they only eat at set times. This helps them become more patient and resilient by learning to delay gratification.

In the 1960s, behavioral psychologist Walter Mischel conducted an experiment where children sat alone with a marshmallow and were told that if they waited 15 minutes without eating it, they would get two marshmallows. Years later, Mischel found that those who resisted the temptation did better in life. Strict mealtimes teach health and self-control.

The Differences in Parenting Between America and France

In America, having children is often perceived as the conclusion of one’s previous life and the beginning of a new chapter. Parents feel significant pressure to prioritize their family’s needs over their own, including their passions, finances, and intimate relationships. 

In contrast, in France, sacrificing one’s sex life for children is viewed as unhealthy. The French equate a diminished sex drive with a psychological disorder, similar to depression, and treat it accordingly. Parents see sex not as an occasional luxury but as a fundamental human need. They are unafraid to carve out personal time for themselves. It is common in France for parents to send their children away for a few days to enjoy some space. Schools frequently take children on week-long retreats, even at the primary level. One couple takes a ten-day vacation without their kids every year, leaving them with their grandparents.

Birthday parties in France also provide a breather for parents. They allow other parents to care for their children for the day while enjoying a glass of champagne upon pick-up. This is described as free babysitting followed by a cocktail gathering. It is perfectly acceptable to recognize that children and adults inhabit different worlds. There’s no need to feel guilty for wanting personal time. Acknowledge the idea of detaching, allowing both yourself and your children some much-needed space, and simply relax.

French vs. American Perspectives on Gender Roles

These days, many people are striving to dismantle the gender divide, including women in France, who adopt a different perspective. They advocate for adopting and celebrating certain gender differences. French women do not expect men to match their skills in childcare; they see men as distinct individuals who may not excel at tasks like buying diapers or scheduling pediatrician appointments. French men are not burdened by the pressure to be perfect, unlike their American counterparts. French women often find humor in their partners’ shortcomings, which helps French men feel more relaxed and less demoralized. On the other hand, American men face constant pressure to be exemplary fathers.

Furthermore, the practice of "keeping score" in household chores tends to breed resentment. American women typically expect their partners to contribute equally to housework and often feel frustrated when they do not. In many cases, women keep track of what their husbands have or haven't done, leading to feelings of anger and suppressed aggression.

Several French women were interviewed about men contributing less to household chores, and none expressed resentment about the situation. While they acknowledged feeling overwhelmed at times, their stress did not lead to hostility toward their husbands, which helps maintain a positive atmosphere at home. The American ideal of equal parenting may sound appealing in theory, but the French perspective appears to create a more manageable and harmonious family life for everyone.

The French Approach to Parenting vs. Helicopter Parenting

In the U.S., the term “helicopter parenting” describes parents who hover over every aspect of their child’s life, which can stop kids from becoming independent. In France, this is not the norm. In France, parents don’t hover. They chat with friends while their children play by themselves in parks. Parents aren’t involved in every detail of their child’s play, like guiding them down slides or pushing them on swings. 

That doesn’t mean there are no rules. French parents have simple rules, like “no hitting” and “don’t leave the playground.” When a child breaks a big rule, French parents deal with it firmly. They know that to say “no” effectively, they need to be confident and make sure their child listens. If parents show they mean what they say, their children will follow their lead.

More relaxed parents still believe in being firm when it’s important. They don’t sweat the small stuff, like taking an extra cookie, but they do enforce rules for serious issues. To be a successful parent, you need to play your role, not just share power with your kids. Give them the freedom to explore and make mistakes, but remember that you are the authority. Your decisions are final.