Find a Place in the World

Ruth Reffkin faced rejection from her parents after she gave birth to her son with an African American man from Louisiana. When they learned their grandson was both Jewish and Black, they ended their relationship with Ruth and her child. His father left when he was a baby, so Ruth raised him alone. Although many people made him feel different, Ruth always showed him love, care, and support. As he grew up, Reffkin often struggled to feel accepted. He was the only Black child at his synagogue, but he also felt separate from many Black students at school because he was mixed and Jewish. Teachers and school leaders treated him unfairly, which increased his desire to find a place where he truly belonged. These experiences influenced his future goals. They motivated him to move to New York City, work hard, and later create Compass, a company focused on helping people find homes and communities where they belong.

Ruth's own life taught Reffkin important lessons about determination. She grew up with a strict father who did not support her interests or choices. Even when he criticized her dreams, she followed her own path and moved to California. There, she created a preschool, led teams, started businesses, and built a new life. Ruth raised Reffkin without family help or financial support. She searched for mentors, scholarships, and programs that could give him opportunities. Her efforts helped him achieve success and showed him the value of hard work and problem-solving. Even in her seventies, Ruth continues working as a real estate agent at Compass. Reffkin sees his mother as an example of strength and creativity. She taught him that challenges can be faced with patience, effort, and determination. Her support helped him build confidence and shaped his goal of creating opportunities for others. Her example continues to influence his choices and reminds him to serve.

The Power of Mentors in Building Success

Reffkin believes that success does not come only from personal effort. He explains that guidance from others played an important role in shaping his career and decisions. Since he grew up without a father, he searched for people who could guide and support him. This search helped him build strong connections with mentors who influenced how he worked and how he viewed life. One of the most important mentors in Reffkin's life was Vernon Jordan. Jordan was a respected civil rights leader, business figure, and advisor to presidents. For Reffkin, Jordan showed that a Black person could achieve success and respect in many different areas. When Reffkin felt afraid about leaving Goldman Sachs to create Compass, Jordan encouraged him by saying that opportunities are often not easy or convenient.

Another important mentor was Bayo Ogunlesi. When Reffkin asked Ogunlesi for a job, Ogunlesi recognized his potential and decided to support his idea. He invested $500,000 in Compass and promised to hire Reffkin if the business failed. This support gave Reffkin the confidence to take the risk and build the company. Reffkin developed three important rules for building strong mentor relationships:

• First, people should bring useful ideas or opinions to every meeting instead of only asking for help.
• Second, they should follow the advice they receive and update their mentors about the results.
• Third, conversations should include personal topics such as family, relationships, and life choices, not only work.

Reffkin believes mentors often value these deeper conversations because they allow them to share more meaningful guidance. From his experiences with his mother, mentors, and challenges, he created eight important principles for entrepreneurs. These ideas focus on learning from others, taking risks, and using support from the right people to achieve goals.

Dream Big and Take Action

A big dream can change the direction of a person's life. Reffkin's experience of being accepted into Columbia University showed him that strong ambition can help people achieve goals that others think are impossible. Even when people doubt you, believing in your own ability can create the motivation needed to keep moving forward. Reffkin believes that people should not limit their goals because their ambitions often decide their future. Big dreams create energy, encourage people to take risks, and help them find solutions they may not have considered before.

A useful way to make important decisions is the "rocking chair test." It means imagining yourself many years later and thinking about which choices you would feel proud of and which ones you might regret. This way of thinking helped Reffkin make difficult decisions, including speaking about racial justice after the murder of George Floyd in 2020. He learned that staying quiet and only working hard was not enough. Sometimes people need to expand their goals and take action on issues that matter. Another important idea is to move fast. Speed helps people learn quickly because real progress comes from testing ideas in the real world.

Success should not be measured by how much effort is given but by whether the work creates a meaningful result. Being busy does not always mean making progress. Reffkin also shows that one action can achieve several goals when done with focus. His decision to run 50 marathons in 50 states helped him stay healthy, raise money, travel, and spend time with his mother. This worked because he focused fully on one goal. People should also remember to recognize their achievements. Constantly moving without taking time to reflect can lead to exhaustion. Dreaming bigger, learning quickly, and balancing action with reflection can help people create greater opportunities and reach their goals.

Learning Through Action

Hen Reffkin learned that improvement comes from paying attention to real results and making changes when needed. When he worked as a DJ during high school, he noticed how people reacted to different songs. If the crowd stopped dancing, he changed the music. If a song made people excited, he played more songs with a similar style. By listening to the audience and adjusting quickly, he became a popular DJ at private school events in the Bay Area. This same approach can be used in many areas of life. People improve faster when they test ideas, notice what works, and accept feedback. It is important to stay humble and recognize useful ideas, even if they come from others. Apple is an example of this. The company did not create every technology used in the iPod, but it combined existing ideas to create a product that better matched what customers wanted.

Learning from real situations also helps in communication. People should notice how others respond while speaking. If someone looks confused or uninterested, it may be better to change the approach instead of repeating the same message. Reffkin also believes that problems can often be solved by continuing to search for answers. When construction blocked the signs outside Compass's New York office, many people thought nothing could be done. Reffkin asked his team to look again. Rory Golod found a legal option that allowed the company to place a large banner on the building. The problem was solved without extra cost. When facing difficult situations, Reffkin suggests asking two questions:

• If solving this problem was my only task today, how would I begin?
• What steps would I take if I had no choice but to find an answer?

These questions help people look for possibilities instead of accepting limits. During his White House Fellowship, Reffkin met Ori Allon, a young Israeli technologist who had sold a search algorithm to Google. Their meeting later became an important connection.

Building Trust and Creating Strong Teams

Trust and teamwork are important for long-term success. Reffkin learned that strong relationships are built through small and consistent actions. After meeting Allon, he stayed connected by sending thank-you notes, holiday cards, and birthday messages. He continued showing interest without expecting anything in return. Years later, when Reffkin started Compass, Allon became the first person he contacted. This showed that investing in relationships can create valuable opportunities in the future. Reffkin believes people should not only contact others when they need help. Good relationships grow when people care, stay connected, and support others. Small efforts can build trust and create new opportunities.

Another important idea is that values are shown through actions, especially when making difficult decisions. At Compass, one top-performing agent brought in a lot of money but treated coworkers badly. Reffkin delayed the decision because firing the agent could create risks for the company. However, he eventually chose to remove the agent because maintaining a respectful workplace was more important than short-term financial gain. This decision helped strengthen the company culture and attracted more talented people. Reffkin showed that a company's values must be supported by real actions, not only words. He also introduced the idea of Single Point of Accountability. This means every project should have one person responsible for leading it. That person tracks progress, solves problems, and makes sure the work moves forward. Clear ownership prevents confusion and helps teams work better.

Strengths, Resilience, and Starting Again

Early in his career at McKinsey, Reffkin tried to copy a colleague who was excellent at spreadsheets and financial modeling. He believed he needed the same skills to succeed, but this created frustration. His manager explained that he was not going to become a great analyst and should focus on his natural abilities instead. Reffkin learned that people should accept their weak areas and find others who can handle those tasks. He focused his energy on strengths such as building relationships, motivating people, and understanding customers. Many people spend too much time improving their weaknesses instead of developing their strongest abilities. Reffkin believes successful people create teams where different skills support each other.

At Compass, he followed this idea by hiring experts for financial work while focusing on leadership, communication, and customer connections. Reffkin also learned the importance of recovering after failure. During the dot-com crash, he lost his savings after a major investment loss. He sought support from his mother and a therapist, rested, and created a new plan. His goal helped him move forward and rebuild his future through education, financial work, and plans to help others. A major challenge came at Compass when he wanted to change the company from a rental platform into a business focused on helping real estate agents. Many leaders disagreed, and some even considered removing him from the company.

After speaking with his wife and cofounder, Reffkin decided to continue. He explained that traditional brokerages were the real competition because they were slower to change. The team accepted the new direction, and Compass became stronger. Reffkin's experience shows that success does not come from avoiding problems. It comes from knowing your abilities, working with people who fill your gaps, and finding motivation to begin again after difficulties. His approach encourages people to use their strengths and stay focused on meaningful goals. This approach builds success.